Cheating=the "D" word

Two of my friends are splitting for good. They're committing to the "D" word. I wish I could say that I was surprised but it's more complicated than that.

I am surprised that they are finally getting a divorce.  She held out so long, going through counseling, a separation, talking their child through all of it day by day.  I thought she might hold on forever, not realizing that it was such a self-sacrifice.  She isn't a martyr after all, and I am relieved to see things come to a close.

What I'm not surprised about is that he cheated again. This proves something I've always insisted upon: never take back a cheater. Cheaters will always cheat or at the very least, always lie. How can you believe in someone after such a breach of trust? Not only does cheating break the security of a relationship, but inevitably, the cheating leaves the cheated with a tainted reputation since obviously the cheating is never completely secret. (And in my friend's case, very public.)  Which brings me to pride.

Cheating on someone seems to me to be an act of defacement, a kind of interpersonal graffiti, an intimate way to slander someone.  Do liars and cheaters have no pride, in themselves, in others?  It astounds me that one person can take another person's life and slam it upside-down, just like that.  That is what cheating would do to me.  My pride would crawl into the deepest hole and wish it were dead.  My roar would feel stifled.  My sense of self would be challenged by every sideways glance on the street, ("does she know I was cheated on, do they?).  And thoughts of self confidence would find themselves in the gutter.

Worth, self-worth, is what it all comes down to.   That cheater robbed someone of their self-worth, at least for a while.  What is anyone worth if they find themselves rejected?  That's what cheating does.  It makes the other party, the cheated on, feel rejected, and negates their self-worth.

It takes a really strong person to overcome cheating...probably on both sides; the cheater and the cheated on.  I rally on the side of the cheated on, and am impressed with my friend's decisiveness to end the cycle of cheating and being cheated on, at least in her life.

2 thoughts:

Maundering mutterer said...

It doesn't matter what it is: using, cheating, abusing: if someone can do that to someone they claim to love ONCE, it'll be easier to do the next time around. Glad you're supporting your friend, one always ends up thinking its YOUR fault - even if its only a little bit.

Ajax said...

Agreed. Completely. Thanks MM.

BTW, love seeing your daily flower photos.

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